The ability to listen well is a great one. It helps in all interactions: work, family, relationship, social. How do you listen well? Here are some simple tips…
- Limit your own talking – you can’t talk and listen.
- Listen and look for feelings as well as fact, and always try to distinguish between the two.
- Don’t jump to conclusions – avoid making unwarranted assumptions or trying to complete sentences for the person.
- Ask for clarification – if you don’t understand something, or feel you may have missed a point, ask relevant questions . . . but don’t interrogate.
- Don’t interrupt – if a person pauses, it may mean they are looking for the right words, coming to an embarrassing part of the story, or summoning up courage to continue.
- Concentrate on the person and what he/she is saying, shut out other distractions, go to a quite area and turn the phones off.
- Use interjections – an occasional “hmmm,” “yes” or “I see” shows the person you are still with them. Beware of overdoing it or using a meaningless comment.
- Empathy: this is different from sympathy (feeling sorry or pity). Empathy means imagining how you might feel in a similar situation, putting yourself in their shoes to gain understanding.
- Rephrase and confirm: this is a great technique that you already use (most of us do this at least sometimes). Simply summarising/repeating & rephrasing (“….so I understand that you have said xxxxyyyyzzz……”) what you have been told is great way to test your understanding and to build consensus & clarity. It is especially helpful in work but can be used anywhere.
Everyone loves a good listener. Try these tips and you may become one.
Author: Dr Colin Burns, retired medical practitioner and wellness coach
