“The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination…
until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.”
– Iyanla Vanzant

The best time to reflect on our lives is at the end of a year… exactly where we are finding ourselves right now. We need to reflect upon the things that we did in 2024 as a basis for doing things differently better in 2025, and beyond. However, we cannot afford to only reflect once a year – reflective practices need to be part of our daily and weekly routines, doing it frequently…

Why reflect?
Self-reflection is vital if we are to learn and grow. Engaging in reflective thinking will influence our ability to learn about ourselves and about other people. I think the benefit of investing time to reflect upon and take stock of our lives lies in the fact that it allows us to check whether we are on track to achieve what we want and aspire to in life. When we reflect, it should be for the right reasons. This should not be to take up the whip and regret, but to see how we have performed up to that point. We can then look to the future, take charge and, if necessary, change the course of our journey.
One of the most amazing things about life is that we have so much time and we can create so many opportunities to reflect and correct where we need to, yet so few of us make use of this most effective technique to improve our lives and circumstances… If more people took the time to deeply think about their lives and to identify what to improve, then fewer people would be unhappy or disappointed with themselves. Without reflection, there can be no realisation, which is the first step to changing something for the good in our lives.

“Our souls need time to think, dream, and reflect.” – Jo Ann Davis

Make time to reflect
We all have different schedules and routines, but we cannot underestimate the power of taking 20 minutes of “me-time” – ideally once a day. Adding a daily 20-minute self-reflection session into our routine will also be another way to charge our life batteries. If we are serious about achieving our dreams, then we need to use the power that such an appointment with ourselves gives us. There is no excuse why we cannot offer up this amount of time to make one of the biggest and best investments ever – the investment in ourselves. This is an extremely important habit to learn and live.

“Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted – it is an
intimate date with yourself.” – Paul T.P. Wong

During these reflection sessions, you will need to offer yourself as much honest and objective feedback as possible. Only when you can rely on your own feedback, also in relation to achieving your personal goals, will it make a meaningful change in your life. This reflection gives us an opportunity to amend our goals if needed or to align our actions with what we want to achieve in life. Reflection does not have to consume a significant amount of time, but it does require discipline to create a practice that supports our return to repeated reflection. That is how we grow and change for the better…

Using a calendar for quick, daily reflection
I have an annual calendar in my garage that I use for self-reflection just after I park my car when I return from work late afternoon. Next to the calendar, I have two highlighters – one green and one orange.

Whenever I have had a good day, in which I have been proud of my thoughts, feelings and behaviour, I then highlight that day in green. Whenever I have had a day in which I didn’t meet my own expectations in this regard, I mark that day in orange.

Regardless of the type of day I have had, I always ask myself: “Why? Why was it a good day?” or “Why was it less than a good day?” and “What can I learn from this or do better next time for it to become a green day?”

Using my calendar for quick reflection might sound weird, but it is incredible how I aspire, both consciously and I am sure unconsciously, to do whatever it takes to only have green days when I walk towards my calendar. It is a quick, one-page feedback and reflection tool.

The power of “From the next time”
Whenever we, as a result of our self-reflection, or just in the moment when we interact with someone, realise that we have made a mistake or have not done justice to ourselves, we can only learn from the experience to ensure that we don’t repeat it. You can’t rewind and undo what you have done wrong, but the least you can do is use affirmations, visualisation and self-talk to ensure that you don’t repeat the same mistake the next time.

If, for example, you allowed someone to upset you, and you lost your cool, then simply affirm to yourself something like: “But from the next time”, I will be cool, calm and collected, because I am emotionally intelligent and everyone, including myself, will benefit as a result of my positive actions.”

“In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what
not to do the next time.” – Anthony J. D’Angelo

I wish you all the best and success in including more reflective practices in your life in 2025. Practices that will form the basis for you to live life differently better in future…

Written by Hekkie van der Westhuizen, PhD