What do you do when “the most wonderful time of the year” just … isn’t? Sometimes, when end-of-year holidays roll around, celebration is the furthest thing from your mind.

Whether you call it the holiday blues or bona fide holiday depression, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

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What is holiday depression?

Holiday depression is situational depression triggered by the onset of the end-of-year holiday season. It may be made worse by the anticipation of get-togethers, large family gatherings and attending or hosting social events.

Unlike seasonal affective disorder (SAD), holiday depression may come and go in quick bursts as one event ends and another begins. Or it can linger throughout the days or weeks leading up to the holiday season.

Symptoms of depression during the holidays

A few symptoms signal holiday blues:

  • Feeling down, depressed or hopeless more often than not
  • Losing interest or pleasure in things you usually enjoy
  • Trouble sleeping, concentrating and/or feeling motivated
  • Experiencing feelings of anxiety, nervousness or being “on edge” around the holidays, which can contribute to a lower mood

If holiday depression becomes severe, you may even experience:

  • Intrusive thoughts that are difficult to manage on your own
  • Thoughts of self-harm
  • Thoughts of suicide

What causes it?

Now, for the big question: Why do I feel so bad during holidays?

A variety of factors can influence your experience of the holiday season, from family size and family dynamics to the actual holidays you celebrate and what those celebrations look like. And all of those factors can lead to depression around the holidays.

  • Loneliness: The holidays put an emphasis on family and togetherness. Feeling isolated during this time of year — like if you live far from family, don’t have much family or have recently lost a loved one — can lead to grief and depression.
  • Family dynamics: Many people find the holidays stressful because of conflicts and feuds within their families. Dealing with toxic parents and otherwise difficult relatives can up the anxiety, too.
  • Financial strain: The commercial positioning of the holiday season as a time of gift-giving can put pressure on you to buy, buy, buy. When money is tight, that can increase feelings of stress and sadness.
  • Holiday trauma: If you’ve experienced trauma during holiday seasons past, like a medical emergency or the loss of a loved one, this time of year can remind you of what you’ve been through.
  • Busy schedules: It can be incredibly stressful to try to balance various obligations and coordinate schedules, especially if you have a large family. Feeling overwhelmed by stress can lead to depression.
  • Social anxiety: If social gatherings stress you out, the seemingly never-ending barrage of holiday events can feel excruciating. That can trigger all kinds of emotions, including winter blues.
  • Seasonal depression: The holidays coincide with the onset of winter, when it gets dark earlier and temperatures plunge. As seasonal depression rises, it can impact your holiday experience.
  • The stress of hosting: If you’re organizing or hosting a holiday gathering, you may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to live up to high expectations. And the stress of perfectionism can contribute to holiday blues.
  • Other seasonal pressure: You may be prepping for exams at school or scrambling to meet end-of-year work deadlines, which can compound the stress of the holiday season.

How to deal with the holiday blues

Holiday depression can feel daunting and even debilitating. But there are steps you can take to try to cope and find support to get you through this time of year. Depending on the source of your feelings and what exactly you’re going through, these tips may help.

Normalize what you’re feeling

When you’re feeling alone, it’s all too easy to think you’re the only one who’s feeling it.

You can try to refocus your thoughts away from the negative things you might be thinking, For example, if you’re wallowing in the idea that everybody else is happy and you’re the only one feeling down, well, that’s just not true.

Maybe you don’t know of anyone else who’s feeling this way. But that doesn’t mean they’re not feeling it.

Set boundaries

The holidays are a time to practice setting boundaries — whether it means creating spending limits for gift-giving or telling your overbearing family you won’t make it to all 10 of their over-the-top holiday events.

Stay connected

Whether you’re estranged from family, don’t have much family or have to spend the holiday away from those you love, you still don’t have to be alone.

And if your relatives are part of the problem, turn to your chosen family — the ones who bring you joy because you’ve opted into your relationships with one another.

Can’t be there in person? Staying in touch with phone calls, video chats and even simple texting can go a long way toward making spirits bright.

Prepare for stressful events ahead of time

If you’re feeling anxious about a large holiday gathering (or two or three), focus more on intimate connections, even within a crowd.

Plan it out ahead of time: Who will be there? Who can be a safe space for you?

Remember loved ones lost

If your holiday depression is born of grief for a loved one who has died, consider ways to acknowledge them during the season. You could:

  • Take time at your holiday gathering to share memories of them.
  • Incorporate their favorite dish into your holiday menu.
  • Make a toast to them before your holiday meal.
  • Donate to a charity in their name.
  • Visit their gravesite or light a candle in their memory.
  • Do something they loved, like baking their favorite cookies or watching their favorite holiday movie.

Give back

Helping others can boost your spirit and help you feel better — all while doing good for someone who really needs it.

Doing some type of charity work or helping out in some way helps you connect with others,

This holiday season, consider volunteering, like sorting meals at a food bank or spending time with residents of an assisted living facility.

Limit social media use

Cutting down on social media during the holidays can help you cut down on stress, too.

Scaling back can give you a better perspective — and help you feel more content with what you have, rather than longing for what you don’t.

Take care of yourself

When you’re in the throes of holiday blues, it can be hard to be kind to your body and mind. But it’s important to try.

  • Do something you love.“Take some time to do something you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it,” she urges.
  • Prioritize sleep. Try not to let your sleep schedule fall by the wayside, as getting enough high-quality sleep is critical for good physical and mental health.
  • Go outside. Yes, even if it’s cold! Getting outside in the daylight (whether it’s sunny or not) has been shown to boost mood.
  • Move your body. Healthy habits often take a backseat during the busy holiday season, but physical activity is a proven way to improve your mental health.

Seek support

Holiday depression can be hard to shake, even if you’re doing all the “right” things. But professional support and guidance can help.