“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone” – Maxwell Maltz
Ultimately, when everything is said and done, we only have ourselves. Last month, we shared some ideas around the topic of “Building and maintaining healthy relationships”. I believe that the most important relationship we should ever have on a human level, is with ourselves, which is something that we often don’t take into account when we have a closer look at how we deal with ourselves… The important question is: “Are you your own best friend?” Because you should be…
Being kind to yourself
Especially, when things are the toughest in our lives, we have to be the kindest to ourselves and focus extra hard on being our own best friend. Maya Angelou wrote: “I got my own back.”
The times in your life when you most need to have your own back, are when you face hardships. It takes a brave woman or man to admit their mistakes – but everyone makes them. I have made many and will continue to make mistakes, even though I try my best to learn from the past and not make the same mistakes anymore.
“Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” – Jon Sinclair
If we have one comfort, it is that the greatest life lessons are typically learned at the worst times and from the gravest mistakes. So, particularly in tough times, let’s be gentle with ourselves when we make blunders. Then, we must forgive ourselves. If we have tried everything to make a success of something, or if a negative outcome was outside of our control, then we have to accept that something is simply what it is. We cannot afford to sulk. We have to find the best possible way to move forward in our journey.
The power of self-talk
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bulldust story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” – Jordan Belfort
This quote summarises the impact of self-talk, also concerning achieving our life goals. The power of self-talk goes far beyond this though. The reality is that as I think, I am. As I talk to myself, I will be or become. If our self-talk is not constructive, powerful and uplifting, we are in trouble. If we ever realise that our self-talk is starting to spiral into negativity, then we need to do a quick reality check and ask ourselves if the negative thing that we are telling ourselves is the real truth or just óúr truth… Let’s use positive self-talk profitably in our lives, also to prove to ourselves that we are our own best friends.
“Positive self-talk is the key to any successful person. If you can change the voice in your mind, you can do anything!” – Jaanu Dhingreja
You only have one body
Being your own best friend goes beyond our psychological well-being though… If there is one thing with which we cannot mess around or neglect, it is our bodies. One of the most important habits that we could ever learn and live, is to look after it. Without our bodies, we can’t do anything. It’s not a car that we can trade in for another one after we have badly bumped, bruised and abused it. We only have one body, yet so many people don’t care about it. So many people are abusing the biggest asset that they have ever received… This is sad, because in neglecting our bodies, we also fail to recognise the important positive correlation between a healthy body and mental health…
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” – Jim Rohn
You can’t give what you don’t have
There is a saying that goes: “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” I cannot give someone something that I don’t have. If I am miserable, I can’t give joy to another person in a relationship. If I am negative, then I can’t expect someone with whom I engage daily to be positive.
If I am empty inside, then I cannot fill someone else’s proverbial cup with something good and constructive. If I am my own best friend, then I will ensure that my life cup is full by consistently charging my proverbial life batteries – not only for my own sake, to enable me to cope with the pressures of life, but also for the sake of those people around me…
Written by Dr Hekkie van der Westhuizen, PhD
