Loneliness has been described as a mismatch between the amount and quality of social interaction experienced and the amount desired. That seems fairly clear and we all know what loneliness is. One subtlety worth noting is that the idea of loneliness hinges on a mis-match. A certain lifestyle might trigger loneliness on one person but feel perfectly balanced to another. And vice versa. And so on. It is also ironically true that loneliness appears to be increasing in our modern world. In spite (or because?) of social media and 24/7 connectivity, many of us actually feel more isolated than in the past. Some commentators are describing younger generations experiencing loneliness in the crowded worlds (actual and virtual) they live in. Some feel that humanity may be losing some skills and abilities and experience in the areas of deeper interpersonal connection, perhaps resulting from the rapid and often shallow nature of online communication. These and other aspects are worth exploring, but for this article let us just look at some strategies you might consider for avoiding or combatting loneliness….
Be busy. Stagnation and rust-out are real risk if you get too idle. Nobody can be at their best just sitting all day. Try a new hobby. Take a walk. Clean the kitchen. Wash the car. Avoid empty days.
Use your mind. Read. Do crosswords. Think about politics (maybe). Listen to children and try to understand their world. Write (a diary, journal, poems, a book…anything…).
Move. Get active. Walk every day. Try gym or running or cycling or yoga. We all have to stay active and it helps with loneliness too. You’ll see!
Engage. Take a moment with the cashier or car guard. Greet the folks you meet when out walking. Call your family at least sometimes. Listen to them.
Get a pet. Especially a dog. Pets are great companions and the unconditional love and loyalty, and simple company, that a doggie offers, is massive! This option will not suit everyone but if you might be lonely and you fancy a pet, it may well be a good idea.
Rethink social media. More and more of us are starting to have doubts about the value of social media. It seems to have become a place filled with conflict and show-off-ery and worse. But it certainly can be a place to meet people and to make connections. It comes down to what you want: to look good and be “popular”? Or to get to know people more honestly?
Seek help. Loneliness can be part of depression and it can trigger depression and it can worsen depression. As well as problem drinking and other mental health problems. Seeking professional help is a brave and smart and wise thing to do if your days are empty and you feel an acute sense of being unhappily alone.
Many people do enjoy, and need, some alone-time. That is great and in fact, much to be encouraged for most of us. But at the same time, loneliness is a real problem for many. And it’s not just the elderly or more-obvious folks. Social media may not be helping or helping as much as it could. This is an area worth considering. Please think about all of this. Please talk with your family about all of this.
Written by Dr Colin Burns
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