How to stay connected with your teenager

While the terrible twos may have been challenging, many feel unprepared for parenting an emotional teen undergoing rapid physical and hormonal changes. Your once communicative child may no longer want to connect with you. Helpful tips for connection:

  1. To understand what’s going on in your teen’s life, it may be more effective to listen and observe rather than ask direct questions. Teenagers are more likely to open up if they don’t feel pressurised. A random comment or discussion about politics, music, or sports may be your teen’s way of reaching out, and you’ll learn more if you stay open and interested.
  2. Empathise rather than criticise. Validate and show that you understand by reflecting on their feelings, such as: “Shew, that sounds really difficult/embarrassing/scary,” rather than saying, “that’s ridiculous!”
  3. Assign responsibilities. Teens want to be taken seriously, so look for ways to show that you trust and have faith in them. This will boost your teen’s confidence and they will probably rise to the occasion.
  4. Teenagers may act like they’re too cool to care, but they need the confidence booster from their parents, just as much as younger kids. Remind them that you love them every day, even when they’re acting out.
  5. Set boundaries and rules. Set the rules for good behaviour, but be ready to explain them. Pushing the boundaries is natural for a teenager, but hearing your thoughtful explanations will make the rules seem more reasonable. When rules are broken, make sure to have consistent consequences in place.
  6. Control your reactions. It’s natural to get angry when your teen is being rude. You’re the adult and they’re less able to control their emotions or think logically when they’re upset. Count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding.
  7. Do things together. Talking isn’t the only way to connect. Spend one-on-one, undistracted time doing things you both enjoy, whether cooking, walking or watching a movie, and having family meals. It’s important for your teen to know that they can hang out with you and build happy experiences, without worrying that you will grill or scold them.

LifeAssist has a team of counsellors that can help you navigate this tough period in your family’s life. Your teenager also has access to this service, confidentially and at no cost to you or your family. We are here to support you.