“Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward” – Nelson Mandela

People often mistakenly think that being optimistic is about being unrealistically positive, despite the challenges they are faced with in life… Being Optimistic is about intentionally looking at life and its challenges through a positive lens, choosing to focus on what is possible, despite what we are faced with.

“Optimism doesn’t wait on facts. It deals with prospects.” – Norman Cousins

The reality is that it makes no sense to dwell on the past if you were not optimistic up to now in your life, because you cannot change the past. Let’s look to the future and see how we can be optimistic for the rest of our lives.

Optimism is a choice

I do count my blessings, but probably not often enough. One of those blessings is being married to a wife who is never negative about anything. She always has an almost superhumanly positive outlook on life, which I have never really understood.

One fine morning over breakfast a couple of years ago, in a weak moment, I made some comments to her. I can’t even remember what those comments were, but I clearly remember her response to my pessimism. She said in a firm voice: “You know, to be positive in life is a choice… ”

In that moment, I realised that she was right. I also realised that I had never before thought about the fact that it really is that simple. We are in charge, and we, therefore, can choose to be positive. In the same way, we have the option to choose to be negative, although this will only take us to a dark place. Before choosing either of these two options, we can also decide whether to let our circumstances determine our choice, or whether we will make the right decision, regardless of the situation in which we find ourselves.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” – Abraham Lincoln

The important role of constructive friendships

John Maxwell observes that having people around you with negative attitudes is like running a race with a ball and chain on your ankle… I refuse to surround myself with negative people because they either pull me down or irritate me. They don’t live by a set of values about which I feel strongly. I choose to only have friends who are optimistic about the present and future, and who believe in living life to the fullest…

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.” – Misty Copeland

I pick friends with a like-minded approach to life because, as the saying goes: “Iron sharpens iron.” I choose friends I can talk to, who listen to me, and who keep me accountable if they see me stray off the right path. I want friends who want the best for me, are there for me in bad times, and who will celebrate with me in good times. Very importantly, I try my utmost to be the same kind of friend to them… I can recommend this approach to friendship, as it contributes to constructive, lasting relationships, which also support us in maintaining a positive approach to life. Besides, we are not meant to journey through life on our own…

The power of thought

Marcus Aurelius was the great philosopher who ruled the Roman Empire from 161-180 CE. He was the last of the rulers known as the Five Good Emperors. He was famous for saying: “Our life is what our thoughts make it.” We need to learn to fill our minds with good, positive and constructive thoughts, because we are what we think, and we become what we continue to think.

As a boy, one of my heroes was Bruce Lee – and I still think he is an icon. He said that what we habitually think largely determines what we will ultimately become. These words are a great summary of the power of our thoughts. If we fill our minds with good thoughts, then good will come from that. If we fill our minds with garbage, though, the results could be devastating to our success.

A vocabulary of positivity

A negative word is symbolic of failure, and it is important that we remove these potentially harmful words from our vocabularies. It is also important to our self-preservation that we adopt a positive approach when choosing our words – not only sometimes, but always. I used to say: “I have to go to work”. Then at some point, I realised that if I “have to” go to work every day, then frankly I have the wrong job and I need to rather choose another career in which I “want to” go to work.

“Words can inspire, and words can destroy. Choose yours well.” – Robin Sharma

“I want to” phrases should be part of our vocabulary, instead of “I have to”. For example, I choose to say: “I ‘want to’ go to the gym,” as opposed to “I ‘have to’ go to the gym.” It’s disempowering to give someone else, or the organisation for which we work, power over us. Effectively, we are making a statement that we have no power or authority over our own lives, if we say: “I have to,” which is not true. Remember, we are in charge of our lives. Therefore, we don’t “have to” do anything that we don’t “want to” do.

Written by:

Hekkie van der Westhuizen, PhD